Sunday, June 24, 2012

Donatella's DOs and DON'Ts for the Beach 2012

The beach season, here in Finland, is very short. If we are lucky, we get 5-6 weeks of beach weather (a little sun and 68 F).

I want to be able to enjoy whatever beach time I'll get this year, so here is my DOs and DON'Ts for the beach 2012. Lets all try and adhere to the rules.

DOs

1. If you're a handsome man - DO offer to put sunlotion all over my body. I'll say yes even if I'm already covered.

YES!
2. If you're a handsome man - DO bring a couple of extra bottles of champagne with you to the beach (I like Veuve Clicquot). I don't mind if you spray it all over my bikini-top if you offer me a few glasses. During the day I work as an agent at the Helsinki Unemployment Office, but during the weekends I'm an exotic dancer. I know how to put on a Miss Wet T-Shirt Show!

YES!

3. DO put on self tanner before you go to the beach. Nobody wants to see your pearly white fat rolls.

YES!

DON'Ts

1.  DON'T get your cheap beach towel too close to mine. I only do Marimekko beach gear.

Say NO to cheap towels!
2. DON'T pester your environment with your old finnish tango classics CD. We don't wanna hear it. Play something apropriate and family friendly. Madonna's Justify my Love or Rihanna's S&M are my favorites for beach time fun.

Say NO to bad, depressing music!
3. If you're a woman - DON'T ask me who did my neon acrylics and my hair - I'm not gonna tell you my beauty secrets you bitch.

Say NO to inquisitive bitches!

8 comments:

  1. Good tips! Thanks DOnatella!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm in love with the champagne set with the bag. Gotta get one!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow, you manage to sound like a stuck up bitch AND a whore...

    ReplyDelete
  4. This post is great! It made me chuckle :)
    Ignore the anon above me, they obviously don't have a sense of humour (or style!) I love your blog Donatella, it's interesting and I like the style in which you write too!
    You are beautiful, you're not a bitch or a whore, whoever wrote that stupid comment is stupid and jealous. They obviously don't have the guts to say anything off anonymous! You have many keen readers who love your blog! Keep posting Donna! We all love you lots! <3 xxx

    My blog: www.missiffa.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous,

    don't be jealous. :)

    Miss Iffa,

    Thanks darling! LOVE your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Miss Iffa,

    added you to "My Most Fabulous Blogs" list!

    ReplyDelete
  7. nice posting.. thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have just installed iStripper, and now I enjoy having the best virtual strippers on my taskbar.

    ReplyDelete